Money and relationships – how to handle difficult conversations about money (with your spouse, your children and other family members)

Most of us don’t find money an easy thing to talk about in our culture. It’s rarely discussed openly in our families, we don’t tell our friends what we earn, we feel uncomfortable negotiating our salary, and we often avoid the topic with our partners for fear of rocking the boat.

Somehow our lack of openness about money has become an acceptable norm but unless we challenge that norm and become more comfortable talking about money, it will wield too much power over us and hurt our most important relationships.

For many couples, nothing dampens love and tingles more than the subject of finances. Study after study shows that money problems are the single biggest cause of relationship stress and divorce – with sex and raising kids rounding out the big three. While talking about money can be difficult, emotionally charged and sometimes scary, open dialogue can save a lot of tension and resentments in your relationship.

We can’t stress enough how important communication is between couples, especially for a sensitive topic like money. Here are our top 4 tips for “you and yours” to adopt:

1. Start a dialogue with your partner around what is important. You don’t have to agree on all your goals but you do need to acknowledge and appreciate your partner’s aspirations and dreams, and most likely you’ll have some common ones. Remember your partner is your ally, not your enemy.
2. Stage your goals as you most likely can’t do everything at once. Choosing to achieve one thing before another is okay as long as you both agree on the timing, you both know when your turn will come, and you both stick to the plan.
3. Don’t hide spending, savings or feelings. A strong relationship is based on trust and understanding, and open communication. Although you might have different approaches to money, you can each learn about how the other feels by listening. Build your trust and your net worth together.
4. Deal with debt. This is a very divisive issue with couples. Talk about it, understand what each other’s views on debt are and if you are in debt, make a plan to get out. ASAP.

When we broach the topic of money and relationships, people normally assume we mean your partner/spouse. However, make sure to touch on the other important relationships in your lives as well. Money impacts all of your relationships – be it your partner, your child, or your parents; and each require some consideration and communication to be healthy. Don’t be discouraged if you try to broach the topic and it’s a non –starter. Be patient and gently persistent. Your relationships are worth it.

(Some excepts taken from Chapter 4 UNSTUCK – How to Stay Ahead Financially and Start Living the Life you Want by Money Coaches Canada co-founders Karin Mizgala and Sheila Walkington